Okay I've done these kinds of posts before but I'm deciding to make them like the My Day posts only I go off on a more general rant.
Family
Relationship wise they are fine. But yesterday I got the news that my step-mum Carole has been admitted to hospital with Pneumonia. I spoke to my dad about it and he said it is a cause for worry, but not for praying and panic. She's going through treatment and will get better as long as she doesn't get another infection along with it. I feel kind of annoyed since she was taken into hospital on wednesday and I only heard about it on saturday, this stuff happens all the time. When grandad had cancer I wasn't told, I had to over hear to find out. When he had a stroke I only found out because dad told mum once they'd stopped argueing. I'm 18, I deserve to know about what is happening you know? I'm still shielded from what's happening with Lauren (my cousin whose in a psychiatric institution) and snippets of new information about my uncles attack are still only just coming out and that was years ago. It's frustrating because I want to be included althoguh I know they are only trying to protect me.
Friends
Shaky. I hate seeing people drunk which is what happened this weekend. I don't want to judge them and I don't judge them for getting drunk, if anything I judge myself more for not being drunk - I just can't trust myself to be. I feel like I'm cutting myself off from people and I apologise if you agree with me.Oh but thanks for the offers to rush me to Carole when I got the news, it meant a lot that even half-cut people were caring sill. <3
Love
Shaky. Massive concerns coming from one side. Although I feel totally secure and dedicated I know he's feeling doubtful about us going the distance. It's upsetting to hear. Plus we had a mega argument about drinking.
School
Terrified I'm not going to make the cut, that I'll fail philosophy (again) or that I won't have done enough. I'm afraid that I'll drown in expectations and failure.
Mind, Body, Soul
Right now, Soul is well nourished by some music I recently discovered. (Search The incredible machine on Spotify). Also my mum just brought me a cup of tea without being asked, bless her. But soul took a battering recently when I had a horrid shadowy memories. Literally I feel like this mistake I made is like a huge dark mark on my back - I don't usually see it but when I do it's like "Fuck!" and it takes yet another while to forget. Currently I haven't forgot but I'm stable. In a day or so I'll be back to normal. Mind is currently elsewhere, I just have so much to think and brood over recently. I'm not even sure if I want to share anymore and I am a serial over-sharer. Body is big but happy. I feel kind of flabby and know I could do a lot more to look a lot better but currently I don't have motivation - my boyfriend loves me this way and I've lost interesting in catching other boy's eyes. All the complements I'm getting recently on the hair and it's effect on me have been positive and so amazing. After spending time alone with Joe and his usual spattering of compliments (even the back handed ones) I feel lovely and fuzzy too.
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