Todays challenge

I challenged myself today. I sat next to two people I completely hate. This might be because yesterday one walked past me and looked straight at me. He then proceeded to take the piss out of me with his mates. Hilarious. Really. So I decided it was about time I stopped avoiding them and being a chicken because I’m scared of what might happen. I plonked my arse right here and nothing has happened. Well actually I sat next to one but one computer away because there was someone logged on in the middle. I thought “Great! Buffer effect (y)” but no, it just so happened to be the right hand man, Mr Hatred No. 2.

Ah well, neither have them could even be arsed to catch my eye. Wankers. Total wankers. 

What do I want? Do I want them to talk to me, to ask how I’ve been so I can spit in their faces and throw insults at them? Do I want them to subtly apologise so I can turn my nose up at their pathetic excuses. Yes. I do. I’ll never get it. I don’t want revenge, I just want them to know that I think they are total and utter assholes. I really ought to stop writing this considering they are both sat right next to me but I cant be arsed. Fuck it if they read it. They won’t. They don’t. *Sigh*

EDIT: One said bye to me in a really sarcky way when I walked off. They know exactly how to get on my nerves. But I kept my composure and was fine. CHALLENGE COMPLETE!

 

My Day - Episode Thirty Six (List special edition)

Wake up.
Wear dress haven't worn in while.
Yes, still look too fat for it.
Breakfast.
Eggy bread.
Lost appetite for interestingness.
Watched Daybreak.
Aussie next top model announced wrong winner, woops!
Walk to school.
Spit rain, feels like someone sneezing in your face.
Ew. Hate the weather.
Good music though.
Oh! George in a hat, how adorable.
Walk to school.
Discuss spit rain.
Jig in rain.
Get a wet foot.
In school.
First was free.
Lots of computer skipping.
Chatted to Maisie about concerns of life matters.
Got nothing done.
Tutor time.
Felt alienated from old friends.
Minor dampned my day.
Next was bio.
Difficult stuff.
Look forward to Friday study session with lover.
Then Psychology.
Roffe.
Wrote an essay.
It was fine.
Read book.
Realised essay was missing key points.
Too late.
Lunch.
Lost appetite.
Half a sandwich.
Packet of crisps.
Chunk of chocolate.
Compliment Draganas shoes.
Then to English.
Reconnected with bessy Bekah.
Realised I have huge hole in shoe, hence the wet foot.
Then Philosophy.
Wrote another essay.
Essay was fine.
Found double of Bertha online.
Pondered learning Japanese.
Out of lesson early.
Primp.
Wait for lover.
Yay Joey! Big hug.
Out of school.
Shit rain, spit rain, ew rain.
Bus home was interesting....
Conversations about boobs again.
Moaned about Josh H.
Walked home, Ew Rain.
George in a hat, how adorable.
Home.
Wet foot.
Throw shoes in bin.
Tea.
Anime - bleach. Awesome.
Get an indian, sisters last night!
Watch inbetweeners. Meh.
Blog.
Shower.
Hairdry.
Dressed.
Sit ups.
Bed.

My Day - Episode Thirty Five

Aren't you lucky, I'm blogging. :)

This morning I was in an alright mood, pretty chilled. I've gone off food again. I got through phases of "OHMYGODIMMAEATEVERYTHINGINTHEHOUSE" and "Pweesedon'tmakemeeat.:(" I'm in the latter. Mainly because I have put on MORE weight. I'm pushing nine stone now. Nine. I was at under eight mere weeks ago people. Weeks. Urgh

So this morning I rustled up some eggy bread instead of eating pizza for brekky. Then trundled off for school. Boring clothes today, couldn't be bothered. As soon as I got on the bus I wished I'd made an effort with something. Make up, clothes, hair, anything! Because Bertha was there. (Calling her Bertha because she deserves a shit name and not the nice one she's got.) Bertha was dressed to the nines, whatever that means. Heels, off the shoulder soft pink cashmere sweater, eyelashes perfect and hair just wavy enough. Urgh. What a shit start.

She then proceeded to annoy me on the bus because usually I get to talk to Josh and she took over, likening motorbikes to orgasms and talking about wanking all the while pouting her lips and applying tinted lipgloss every fucking minute. She really gets on my nerves, in case you haven't realised. So then we get off the bus, I'm in a bad mood. Then Joe is feeling weird, dicky tummy and a concussion. Naturally this has me feeling really worried but mixed with my remanents of annoyed, it wasn't a happy feeling.

So I end up getting frustrated at him because I try and vent general frustrations, he takes it personally and gets all defensive like I'm being mean to him. Then I'm like "ARGH wtf that is not what I meant!" and we get snappy. Typical case of Men are from Mars Women are from Venus. I get into special assembly, sit with Chris. Have to compete with Lauren for his attention, he almost breaks my finger in a play fight. Again, I'm not happy.

Get into English, boring boring boring. I forgot my tutorial by half an hour (there is no excuse for half an hours lateness btw.) Then to tutor time, I feel like a complete outsider to my once best friends. Off to philosophy where we talk about the Pope. I don't care about the Pope! It's an old man in a dress to me, go away. I spend the whole lesson worrying if Joe will remember to fetch me for lunch and imagining various completely embarassing situations and how much I would cry.

I come out and guess what? Joey's there, still looking completely dazed and pale as a ghost, he remembered! I revelled in how lucky I am to have him and helped him limp to lunch. He perked up when he had some food and lunch was delish. Then I had two frees! The afternoon was definately looking up.

In the first free with everyone I finally got Maisies present finished. I'm so looking forward to giving it to her, it's like the best idea for a present I've had ever. :D Then in the next free I just sat chatting, highlighting bits of my Psych which I find kind of interesting. Now for the bus home. Urgh.

Bertha was sat in the back corner, best spot (Reese's spot usually) and Josh had parked up next to her. "She had smarties! But then it turned out she didn't..." Yeah right that was the reason. I can see you salivating you dirty creep. *Mumble Mumble* I just turned on my music and tuned out from the world. Couldn't find a song to suit my mood so that was frustrating.

Walking home was alright. We have a funny situation at the minute. Me and George both have a friend which we like...in small doses. And they only speak to us when we walk home past the shops. Unfortunately I had to get mints so we had to put up with them. Me and Liz mainly bitched about Bertha, she had no idea who she was so I was just giving my honest opinion. :D

Oh and if people are wondering why I don't like her so much, I shall try and explain. I always need someone to hate. Always. It's focusing and when your frustrated it's nice to have a scapegoat. Bad for her but she was bugging me just at the point when I finally got revenge on the one I hated, so I needed a new one. And who better than Bertha? *Sigh*

I feel ill. Mum made me eat. *Cries*

My Day - Episode Thirty Four

Best day in a long time.

Walk with my gorgeous love.
Got my English 2nd draft done.
Complete psych work within time.
Got my Bio 1st draft done.
And there has been karmic realignment: Justice.

I'm V happy, I feel like I'm on a spiral upwards.
If only I didn't have that niggling feeling that something awful is on the horizon

My Day - Episode Thirty Three

This morning was a pretty nice morning. I woke up really refreshed, checked to see that my computer had stopped running a four hour virus scan (it had) and then hustled to get ready for school.
I managed to cook myself a breakfast and make myself lunch today and still had time to sit about watching Daybreak (the new GMTV, it's super happy and really Australiany, they had a really similar one there *Read lot's of shots of the sun coming up)

So that was that, set out for school, made good time, had a nice chat with Josh on the bus. (Giving up on codenames because I purely can't remember...) Then I walked into school. Joe was behind me poking my head, seemingly in good spirits so I perked up. Then he was like really distant for a few minutes and in those seconds I spiralled down to "I'm a shit person, Why would I do that to someone I loved? He's thinking about it too, I knew that telling him I was thinking about it would make him think about it. He hates me. He hates what I did, what I might do. He totally thinks I'm capable of doing it again." So I became close to tears by the time we reached his locker. Then I luckily realised I was being a bit ridiculous and went back to normal.

First lesson was a structured study and I finally got Friday open day at Nottingham sorted with Aimee. Luckily we can make all the talks in good time and still have meandering time. Is that my pizza? ... No it's the neighbour. So anyways, the only problem we might have is getting lost or me totally not knowing the way to the station. Don't laugh, I fall asleep in cars and have never walked there - I am clueless.

Then it was Biology, this was  nice. Me and Joe had a conversation about kids names and I like Tyler, Elliot, Amelie and Amelia. He likes Andrew. That's about all he contributed. For a laugh I said we would have one girl called Anna-marie (He hates double barrelled) and two twin boys called Atlas and Titan. XD
After Bio was Psych, reasonably interesting but was my first dose of the Roffe so I was kind of trying to not pay attention or I would tire of him in the second dose. Can't remember what me and Jess talked about. We discussed...Oh! We sat with Jack and discussed various party things and funny stories. Apparently one of his cousins spend the day introducing himself by going "Hi, I don't want to sleep with you."

Then it was English, mostly boring. Working on computers. Got my draft back. AAAAAARRRGGGGHHH THERES SO MANY EDITS I WANT TO DIE was my reaction. Literally the whole editing bar down the side is full. FULL. I'm meant to be doing that now but I decided that I should procrastinate and get rid of all my chores first. :) and then order pizza. Which still hasn't arrived.

After English Language was Philosophy. He set us of with a conundrum of how God is a verb like tie. He compared it to something that made no sense. Yeah, conundrum. I swear he's fucking with us most of the time. "God is like... spandex pants.." He didn't say that, I kid. So we went on computers to write an essay. An essay I thought was pathetically stupid because the answer in short is "No."
I got a headache from sitting in the library and all the year 12's and 7's were there and they for some reason were all talking like in the lunch hall. I mean wtf, it's a library. STFU!

...Car?...Pizza..? Urgh it's someone leaving. Fuck you, I'm hungry.

So got on the bus was feeling alright, listened to some music, got more depressed. Spoke to Josh, he brought me back to life. Got off bus, accidentily kicked Otibix. (Otis) who is surprisingly gentlemenly. Walked home with George and discussed life, he perks up my day. He's so awesome, he's going to grow up looking really sweet and adorable and just be the nicest guy! I can't wait to see him as an adult. Hope I keep in contacto with him.

Got home, life as usual. Watched tevo with the fam, fam went pub. I ordered pizza. I wait for pizza... Still nothing. I'm going to actually do some coursework now so CIAO! <3

Big updateoo!

I admit, I have neglected my blog. But I’ve got my reasons!
A lot of the stuff that’s been happening in my life recently has been pretty upsetting and really not my stuff to tell. I’ve been on edge, waiting for lots of bad news and then getting it has been so much worse than I imagined. I’ve been struggling.

But I’m back and feeling a heck of a lot better. I’ve even painted my nails, that’s the extent of the recovery! I took some time yesterday to myself to get an early night and relax – doing things like taking a long shower and writing in my diary to chill out.

Some of the happy news recently is that my and both of the step-parents are getting along. N is being more and more friendly, even if his version of friendly is play fighting that almost breaks my hand. C has been really upset recently because Sheba, her dog, passed away. But, she’s got a new puppy called Ziva to take her mind off it and we are bonding over the pup so that’s nice.

Also, I have never been happier with Him. Every day I feel like we could really last longer. I’ve been through a phase of disbelief recently, wondering why in the heck he likes me and how is it possible he thinks I’m perfect. I won’t ever figure that out because it’s just too unbelievable.

I feel kind of shaky about myself recently. People keep saying fleeting comments or doing really subtle things that annoy me or make me think I’m not a good person. It’s things like when people do things similar to me, instead of being like “Oh hey, they’re just trying to keep up with stuff I do” I’m thinking “Why are they trying to compete with me? Now I’m going to lose and they will be awesome, leaving me in the dust to choke.” Or they say stuff that they feel paranoid about or stuff they want to improve about themselves, and I think they are a better person than me so surely there must be so much stuff that people want to change about me. But anyways, I promised myself I would be happy so no dwelling on that.

Other than that, I've made some new friends I'm really close to now, two people in particular spring to mind. One even got so close I let them read the 'other blog' and around the other I feel like superwoman with all this knowledge and advice, I kind of like being admired and depended on, especially by someone who is so awesome and I geniuinely want to help in every way. Bless her. :)

Note: Since writing this in school with perfect nail polish, I have now scratched of 60% of it. Soooo satisfying, I swear it's the only reason I even put it on. :)