Big updateoo!

I admit, I have neglected my blog. But I’ve got my reasons!
A lot of the stuff that’s been happening in my life recently has been pretty upsetting and really not my stuff to tell. I’ve been on edge, waiting for lots of bad news and then getting it has been so much worse than I imagined. I’ve been struggling.

But I’m back and feeling a heck of a lot better. I’ve even painted my nails, that’s the extent of the recovery! I took some time yesterday to myself to get an early night and relax – doing things like taking a long shower and writing in my diary to chill out.

Some of the happy news recently is that my and both of the step-parents are getting along. N is being more and more friendly, even if his version of friendly is play fighting that almost breaks my hand. C has been really upset recently because Sheba, her dog, passed away. But, she’s got a new puppy called Ziva to take her mind off it and we are bonding over the pup so that’s nice.

Also, I have never been happier with Him. Every day I feel like we could really last longer. I’ve been through a phase of disbelief recently, wondering why in the heck he likes me and how is it possible he thinks I’m perfect. I won’t ever figure that out because it’s just too unbelievable.

I feel kind of shaky about myself recently. People keep saying fleeting comments or doing really subtle things that annoy me or make me think I’m not a good person. It’s things like when people do things similar to me, instead of being like “Oh hey, they’re just trying to keep up with stuff I do” I’m thinking “Why are they trying to compete with me? Now I’m going to lose and they will be awesome, leaving me in the dust to choke.” Or they say stuff that they feel paranoid about or stuff they want to improve about themselves, and I think they are a better person than me so surely there must be so much stuff that people want to change about me. But anyways, I promised myself I would be happy so no dwelling on that.

Other than that, I've made some new friends I'm really close to now, two people in particular spring to mind. One even got so close I let them read the 'other blog' and around the other I feel like superwoman with all this knowledge and advice, I kind of like being admired and depended on, especially by someone who is so awesome and I geniuinely want to help in every way. Bless her. :)

Note: Since writing this in school with perfect nail polish, I have now scratched of 60% of it. Soooo satisfying, I swear it's the only reason I even put it on. :)

Curious

I'm feeling incredibly curious at the minute. It's like I have a billion questions just bursting out of every pore that desperately need answers.

I'm also pretty nervous at the minute, I don't want to go to wales :(

My Day - Episode Thirty

So this morning I woke up with absolutely no desire to do anything but sleep. Getting dressed was a complete faff as usual, wasn't sure about how I looked in a certain skirt and have nothing that matches so was v worried about wearing it. Decided to go for it and just fuck it if I looked shite.

At school on the bus I was amazed by my mp3 players battery, it was on nothing for the whole journey there and back. Then I got to school and Pants scared the crap out of me popping out of mid air. I realised that Cheshire had my stuff so I went and searched her locker but she wasn't in for the morning and then waited for the boyf. He looked like a golfer today, it was adorable. Blah blah morning stuff.
In Psych we realise the exam was much easier than we expected. Me and Darling One had a catch up, swapped advice for life and whatnot. Then I had English was was a bit crap cause there was an argument and coursework but me and ...oh she has no blog name. ACK Erm...Lashes cause hers are all long and purdy anyways, we had a laugh.

Then it was a free in which I was enjoying a bit. I feel like everyone around me is worried about me though and although I think it's grounded suspicious, I can't put my finger on what is wrong with me. I think just a lot of shit things have happened to me recently and it's not fun. In the hols I might cheer up. Or when I have the house to myself next week cause the familia are out.

In fourth it was biology and I felt stupid at first and frustrated but I felt better at the end because I could grasp it much easier and I got a choccy prize for being really good. ^ ^
In fifth I wrote an essay, finished it early in true Philosophy lesson fashion and we still have one more lesson to go. Discussed poetry with sir at the end which was really sweet. He clapped me lol.

Then going out of that lesson I saw the year 10s I teach and they were taking a chair for a walk.... Random. And they all were like "Isn't that the one you fancy?" to the big ginger guy. How sweet. I'll dress nice tomorrow especially. Then TallBlondBoy was walking behind me and he smacked his folder right against my bum so I looked at him like wtf? and he was like "Sorry...uh. I didn't mean to...sorry" and then he high fived a kid apparently he didn't even know.

Walking out was fine. Bus journey was fine. Walking home was cute. Me and Owl Boy were just taking the mick out of each other and writing sick fairy tale stories about peeps. Got home, Mum was in a massive mood but luckily she went out. Now I'm trying to fix my goddarn mp3 player. Which isn't compatible with netbook apparently, oh well. :) I COULD USE PROPER COMP! Duh. Ciao now. :D

Colour

I love having a bold colour to decide my mood for the day. As you may notice, I wear red a lot.
Red is good, it's emotional and eccentric. Bold, brash and attention seeking. You can't ignore red. It gives me the confidence to do what I like.

Yellow is a sturdy happy colour but it's also the colour of stress so I can't wear a lot of it. It gives me headaches in large doses. Hence why yellow underwear is best.

Pink is too cute and sweet, I find myself acting like a child with it on. Even today everyone simultaneously 'awwed' me when I got upset at swallowing my mint whole. Douche. But it's kind of nice to be childish and sweet and not mind. Today was a pink day.

Blue is shy and calm, predictable in a way. This is good sometimes, good for exams or unfamiliar situations. Bedrooms are good in blue.

Purple is royal and an understated confidence. It's a quiet confidence that whispers encouragement and reassurance. Nice for parties, not too shouty but still a pretty gorgeous colour.

Orange is angry and I don't like it. Mainly because it doesnt suit me. I don't suit angry. 

Green is calm I suppose. I'm not sure about green. I know that's it natural and easy, approachable. Maybe if I was trying to make friends I'd be in green.

White is risky but sexy. It's a summer colour of course and in my mind it's incredibly warm, not cold like most think. I wear this when I have a tan...which I don't. So it's not a huge part unless it has an accompanying colour. It's easily overpowered see.

Then there's trusty black. The stable, safe black. Flattering and slinky, I wear it almost every day. It's the palette I paint my mood of colours on. Like my chalkboard.

Reliving the Good Old Days

One of the best ways to make you happy and to make you sad.

I have my old diaries, letters, a memory box and two scrapbooks as well as countless photo albums. I keep practically everything meaningful. And that's just the physical stuff. I love discovering old songs that you can flick through and remember when you last heard it and what you were doing.

But that's a bit of a sidetrack. Recently I've been getting happier. More good grades coming back in English Lang. My other blog has had...20 visitors with 47 pageviews today so far which is a new record for me. :) Probably due to the fact I posted on a very touchy subject that was a bit taboo. Friends are awesome, angry at Stag because he blurted a load of personal shit when he had absolutely no right. Family is awesome, mum and N are going to Florida soon so we get two weeks without them. But for one I'm going to my dads so that'll be okay. I need to ring him actually.

Other than that, totally cool!

Back on Track

Mainly there are two things back on track.

1. My school work. As you know this really gets me down when I get a bad grade. So to make up for it I've been taking all the bad grades, rewriting and throwing them back at teachers and demanding a remark. This makes me feel better in the mean time. I also got an A in my English coursework which is a big whoop for me. :)

2. My emotions. I was feeling a rollercoaster, with one minute I'd be on top of the world and the next in the pits of despair. Himmelhoch jauchzend und zum tode betrübt. Up one minute and down the next. Now I feel generally up apart from a few hiccups to do with Him. He's so easy to offend, I feel I have to be wary.

But all is getting better. Touch wood.