So today was the last exam day. I woke up extremely nervous and about twenty minutes ealier than usual. Dressed too fast and breakfast didn't take long, leaving me extra time in the morning to not only revise but panic.
One second, my multivitamin is stuck in my throat, I hate that feeling when you dry swallow something and it just sticks about under your collarbone. Yuk. Okay I got some water and I'm fine now.
Then I had breakfast and I got a horrible bit of gristle in my food that only heightened the need to be sick. I didn't because I'm very good at not being sick (haven't for 3 years). Then I set out to school, met George on the way who very nicely dealt with my huge nervousness. God even thinking about it is making my tummy flip over. Revised on the bus, revised at school.
Finally made it into the exam feeling well prepared. Mind mapping helped loads and I managed to never get stuck, even writing for the whole 90 minutes. It went well but I could still get a bad grade, hopefully not though.Got out feeling totally elated. We went over answers and I wasn't totally shit scared that I put the wrong thing, so that's a plus. Visited Ms James and she seemed pleased with what we wrote. God I hope it's a good mark.
I was in a free when I came out so I didn't do anything. Then in Psych we watched a documentary about mind control which was interesting and I practically did nothing in my frees as well after realising that actually I didn't let too much slip during exam season. Then got on bus, messed about with Georgie and the boys, walked him having a laugh with George again (he's such a staple!) and got home. First thing I did was read a section of my favourite book, then I moved on to catching up with all the tv I missed - Skins, true blood, glee (which was so sad I cried my eyes out through the whole thing although I was due a cry really). And now I've just made a playlist of romantic and calm songs for background music for me and my Josie. :D
NIGHT xx happy.
Friday, 28 January 2011
Monday, 24 January 2011
My life at the moment
Okay, I haven't opened up about what's going on in my head or my life for a while so it's time for another MEGA UPDATE! Okay
Family
Well Mum and Nigel have set a date ( be it only a year) for their wedding, and a place! THE SEAA! They'll be getting married on a cruise ship not next year but the year after, ya get me? Anyways, it's going to be wonderful (if I can afford it.) Other than that, Rach is at Uni again doing various arty farty things. She had a fall out with Carole and Dad but that should be okay by now. Dad and C are cool, the dog is driving them mad so I act like an angel and take it on massive walks.
Friends
All is well. I kind of feel like I'm losing touch although I think that might just be the exam season.
Drama
Okay, the drama of the moment as actually a reversal of a big drama. I'm sure you all know what went on with Slick and that whole bag of worms. Basically I decided to stop being childish and forgive and forget, now we are on talking terms and as I write I'm nattering away with his ex, Cassie. So there you go. Total undrama.
Health
Nothing to report, I haven't been sick since I was 15 and now that fear is kind of growing. I am really cautious with drinking and I practically turn any meat I cook to ash. Deary me.Oh, mum's dieting which means I am too and today we did 1 hour of straight exercise of the new DVD. Absolutely killed by far the worst move is the butt stuff... I'll find a picture. Right, you do this one and then you put your leg out to your side and make circles with it. KILLER!
Mental health
Wavering. I go from being so content, usually when I'm taken off guard by someones kindness or closeness to being completely downheartened and sitting...staring...feeling completely alone. I'm dreaming vividly about all sorts recently and I'm going to guess it's because of stress.Keeping my sanity includes reading Alice in Wonderland and listening to old Pink and Natasha Bedingfield CD's. Oh and singing, I'm singing almost constantly.
Relationship
Me and Joe are cool. Under pressure because exams mean we aren't super happy and we can't see each other much. I was a crabby bitch last week and treated him a little harshly but I'm making up for it this week. I feel he doesn't trust me enough though, at a time when I feel the most secure and trustworthy.
School
The exam today was Bio and it was atrocious. There was degree level stuff and things from other papers and nobody told us it was going to be synoptic. I almost cried at the first question because I felt I didn't know it. My last two exams before Bio were Psych and Ethics retakes. On the same day, it was knackering to be in there for so long but I managed and I revised so much more than I did the first time around. I hope I got better grades even though I didn't feel as if I was doing much more than the first time in the exam.
Family
Well Mum and Nigel have set a date ( be it only a year) for their wedding, and a place! THE SEAA! They'll be getting married on a cruise ship not next year but the year after, ya get me? Anyways, it's going to be wonderful (if I can afford it.) Other than that, Rach is at Uni again doing various arty farty things. She had a fall out with Carole and Dad but that should be okay by now. Dad and C are cool, the dog is driving them mad so I act like an angel and take it on massive walks.
Friends
All is well. I kind of feel like I'm losing touch although I think that might just be the exam season.
Drama
Okay, the drama of the moment as actually a reversal of a big drama. I'm sure you all know what went on with Slick and that whole bag of worms. Basically I decided to stop being childish and forgive and forget, now we are on talking terms and as I write I'm nattering away with his ex, Cassie. So there you go. Total undrama.
Health
Nothing to report, I haven't been sick since I was 15 and now that fear is kind of growing. I am really cautious with drinking and I practically turn any meat I cook to ash. Deary me.Oh, mum's dieting which means I am too and today we did 1 hour of straight exercise of the new DVD. Absolutely killed by far the worst move is the butt stuff... I'll find a picture. Right, you do this one and then you put your leg out to your side and make circles with it. KILLER!
Wavering. I go from being so content, usually when I'm taken off guard by someones kindness or closeness to being completely downheartened and sitting...staring...feeling completely alone. I'm dreaming vividly about all sorts recently and I'm going to guess it's because of stress.Keeping my sanity includes reading Alice in Wonderland and listening to old Pink and Natasha Bedingfield CD's. Oh and singing, I'm singing almost constantly.
Relationship
Me and Joe are cool. Under pressure because exams mean we aren't super happy and we can't see each other much. I was a crabby bitch last week and treated him a little harshly but I'm making up for it this week. I feel he doesn't trust me enough though, at a time when I feel the most secure and trustworthy.
School
The exam today was Bio and it was atrocious. There was degree level stuff and things from other papers and nobody told us it was going to be synoptic. I almost cried at the first question because I felt I didn't know it. My last two exams before Bio were Psych and Ethics retakes. On the same day, it was knackering to be in there for so long but I managed and I revised so much more than I did the first time around. I hope I got better grades even though I didn't feel as if I was doing much more than the first time in the exam.
Sunday, 9 January 2011
Monday, 3 January 2011
Martians and Venusians
This is going to be an extremely boring post for all of you not curious as to what this book says, so skip it if ya want. :D
Righty, anyone who has read Men are from Mars and Woman are from Venus will know where I'm going with this. I'm here to teach you all it's wonderous knowledge! Now, men. Do not cringe and go "oh it's going to be so innacurate and horrid because it's written by some feminism he-woman" Oh no. It's written by a very understanding and particularly accurate married man. And according to my male source, it's quite agreeable.
Okay, so points it makes.
This is where problems arise. As you can see, men don't want help that isn't asked for - they feel like the woman is accusing them of being incapable of doing it themselves. And when women share their feelings, they don't want solutions like a man, they want listening and understanding. Women won't like men going to their caves, they will bug them and ask to understand and talk - making men angry. This is when women get burned by the 'dragon' guarding the 'cave'. (The writer likes to make a whole separate world for Martians and Venusians, it's pretty effective.)
You all following? It's pretty simple that bit, that's mostly the jist of it. Oh there's one bit called Men are like Rubber Bands. Here's that summarised.
See? That made sense. Right, bored now bye!
Righty, anyone who has read Men are from Mars and Woman are from Venus will know where I'm going with this. I'm here to teach you all it's wonderous knowledge! Now, men. Do not cringe and go "oh it's going to be so innacurate and horrid because it's written by some feminism he-woman" Oh no. It's written by a very understanding and particularly accurate married man. And according to my male source, it's quite agreeable.
Okay, so points it makes.
- Men feel satisfied with progress and competancy, power and skills are what they like to have.
- Women pride themselves on being understanding, perfectionists and compassionate.
- From this, men will need to do things alone, problems are best solved alone and asking for help is mostly uneccessary and even a sign of weakness.
- To solve physical problems, they will do it themselves or ask someone with the intention of getting advice. Emotional problems, they will retreat to 'their cave' in which they can sit and think peacefully.
- Women will often communicate their feelings and their one aim is to understand anothers problems to successfully empathise.
They do not like silence and feel that offering help is a sign of love. Any problems will be talked over until both understand one another, offering advice is not usually helpful.
This is where problems arise. As you can see, men don't want help that isn't asked for - they feel like the woman is accusing them of being incapable of doing it themselves. And when women share their feelings, they don't want solutions like a man, they want listening and understanding. Women won't like men going to their caves, they will bug them and ask to understand and talk - making men angry. This is when women get burned by the 'dragon' guarding the 'cave'. (The writer likes to make a whole separate world for Martians and Venusians, it's pretty effective.)
You all following? It's pretty simple that bit, that's mostly the jist of it. Oh there's one bit called Men are like Rubber Bands. Here's that summarised.
- A male intimacy cycle consists of pulling away and springing back periodically.
- When a woman pulls back because she is hurt or feels unheard whereas a man pulls away to feel independent, he needs to pull away to realise he needs to go back. If you chase him, he'll never stretch the full distance and will keep pulling back.
- When he returns, he will feel no need to get reaquainted, which can be puzzling and intruding for the partially neglected woman so he will need to slow down the process of coming back to save her.
- This is a woman's intimacy cycle and also is linked to her self esteem.
- A woman will feel a gradual soft wave of ups and downs of self esteem, however sometimes she will reach a peak which then naturally crashes and leads to a dip.
- When a woman has a high wave, then she has lots of love to give and when she is low, she needs to be cared for and filled up with love instead.
- That crashing feeling is like descending into a well of subconscious thoughts. Filled with vague and unexplainable bad feelings, you feel hopeless and unsupported.
- When she reaches the bottom of that well, she will automatically come back up again but needs to be heard and vent and talk first.
- A man will mistakenly think it's his fault or is uneccessary. This makes things worse as he explains why she shouldn't feel bad - He's not listening or understanding, he's just giving bad solutions.
- Men assume that big things will get big points and little things will get little points, so he will focus on doing one or two large things like earning a lot of money and buying a holiday.
- Women count points by one for each thing. Size does not matter, every little thing and big thing gets one point. So she will do lots of things, often smaller, and want to get recognition.
- Also, women will always subtract his points from her to see it different. If she thinks she has 30 and him 10, she will conclude it's 20 to 0. But he's not 0, he's given 10!
- And, men will give penalty points. If the woman does something bad or doesn't appreciate him, he make take points back.
See? That made sense. Right, bored now bye!
Sunday, 2 January 2011
Post 199
I like that number. This is going to be a random blog, I can't be arsed with structure today, that's what my whole day lacked.
I've started talking to my diary more again, she's new. Red leather bound and called Cherie, I think she's a new favourite. Gives me wrist cramp to write it but it means I do small bursts throughout the day so I don't miss some of the thoughts that pop into my head. I have addressed many things today such as how revision seems futile in the face of exams, how much my friends mean to me, would I still choose Joe if we were on take me out, would he still choose me, what I'd want to happen if I was brain dead, why Alice in Wonderland is so awesome and soon I'm probably going to write about a few things I want to happen when I'm older.
Those are things like I want to own a chair that is specifically for reading and phone calls, a big comfy one or a Freud lounger or something, and I want a bookcase full of favourites to dip into like never ending chocolates. I'm torn over whether I want to own a cat or not, I don't know if the life I want is suited for pets.
What other things have crossed my mind today?... Hum. Oh another thing I want to own is a big wooden chest, perhaps with a combination lock on. I'm going to store all of my diaries in it like a treasure trove and hopefully stop myself reading back. Maybe one day they'll come in handy. Or at least they'll all be in one place so easy to save in a fire. I won't be having all my darlings burn to a crisp. Poor Sian, Valentine, Romeo, Book of nonsense one and two, Nikki, Mira, Beau, Belle, Cherie and all of the rest.
I've had a few quotes of the day today, ones I tend to fixate on because they come up that day. Todays are "you shape your life, no-one else" "It's never too late to be who you might have been" and "Nothing is achieved with tears". The last was said by the caterpillar in the newest Alice in Wonderland film, which I watched today as you might've guessed. In fact I'll type up that diary entry.
"I love Alice in Wonderland,It's amazing that this mad old story came from one man's mind. It's so clever with it's poetry, riddles and rhymes.The new movie captures all of the magic and madness but none of the cleverness. And it doesn't follow the story line. At least the first movie tries." So there you go, that's my opinions for you.
Bored now. Let's play a game! I'll slide a bookmark into my old diary, Nikki and promise to type up whatever I land on. Here goes! Actually, I've done that three times and each one was very private and had a secret thought in so I won't type them. So much for that. Oh well. It was fun for me :D.
Let's play a different game! I'll slide a bookmark into N.G's Pleasure and will type up that page so you have some lovely advice and whatnot to live by. :D Let's go!
"Passion craves quietness, security and calm - states hard to attain in romantic love. And sometimes, as the worm turns, hurting is a way of holding someone. Suicide can be a way of hurting. Why did Ian choose to stain his lover's future so much? Isn't true love a desire for the other person's happiness? Why did I want to do it? Among other things, to stamp my fiance's life forever with the memory what what he'd done to me. I thought, once, that there was something so passionate and brave about what Ian had done. Now I just wish he'd grown up and known other women - journeyed to a point where he could look back and laugh. I wonder, years later, if he could reflect on his actions and he'd think, 'Damn it, why did I do it? For her?'. I suspect he would. And that breaks my heart."
So there you go, don't commit suicide to stain someone elses life. It's a foolish decision. As Bertrand Russell said, love is wise and hatred is foolish. Actually that's no so fitting now I think about it.
Anyways, blog over. I'm satisfied that I have rambled enough.
I've started talking to my diary more again, she's new. Red leather bound and called Cherie, I think she's a new favourite. Gives me wrist cramp to write it but it means I do small bursts throughout the day so I don't miss some of the thoughts that pop into my head. I have addressed many things today such as how revision seems futile in the face of exams, how much my friends mean to me, would I still choose Joe if we were on take me out, would he still choose me, what I'd want to happen if I was brain dead, why Alice in Wonderland is so awesome and soon I'm probably going to write about a few things I want to happen when I'm older.
Those are things like I want to own a chair that is specifically for reading and phone calls, a big comfy one or a Freud lounger or something, and I want a bookcase full of favourites to dip into like never ending chocolates. I'm torn over whether I want to own a cat or not, I don't know if the life I want is suited for pets.
What other things have crossed my mind today?... Hum. Oh another thing I want to own is a big wooden chest, perhaps with a combination lock on. I'm going to store all of my diaries in it like a treasure trove and hopefully stop myself reading back. Maybe one day they'll come in handy. Or at least they'll all be in one place so easy to save in a fire. I won't be having all my darlings burn to a crisp. Poor Sian, Valentine, Romeo, Book of nonsense one and two, Nikki, Mira, Beau, Belle, Cherie and all of the rest.
I've had a few quotes of the day today, ones I tend to fixate on because they come up that day. Todays are "you shape your life, no-one else" "It's never too late to be who you might have been" and "Nothing is achieved with tears". The last was said by the caterpillar in the newest Alice in Wonderland film, which I watched today as you might've guessed. In fact I'll type up that diary entry.
"I love Alice in Wonderland,It's amazing that this mad old story came from one man's mind. It's so clever with it's poetry, riddles and rhymes.The new movie captures all of the magic and madness but none of the cleverness. And it doesn't follow the story line. At least the first movie tries." So there you go, that's my opinions for you.
Bored now. Let's play a game! I'll slide a bookmark into my old diary, Nikki and promise to type up whatever I land on. Here goes! Actually, I've done that three times and each one was very private and had a secret thought in so I won't type them. So much for that. Oh well. It was fun for me :D.
Let's play a different game! I'll slide a bookmark into N.G's Pleasure and will type up that page so you have some lovely advice and whatnot to live by. :D Let's go!
"Passion craves quietness, security and calm - states hard to attain in romantic love. And sometimes, as the worm turns, hurting is a way of holding someone. Suicide can be a way of hurting. Why did Ian choose to stain his lover's future so much? Isn't true love a desire for the other person's happiness? Why did I want to do it? Among other things, to stamp my fiance's life forever with the memory what what he'd done to me. I thought, once, that there was something so passionate and brave about what Ian had done. Now I just wish he'd grown up and known other women - journeyed to a point where he could look back and laugh. I wonder, years later, if he could reflect on his actions and he'd think, 'Damn it, why did I do it? For her?'. I suspect he would. And that breaks my heart."
So there you go, don't commit suicide to stain someone elses life. It's a foolish decision. As Bertrand Russell said, love is wise and hatred is foolish. Actually that's no so fitting now I think about it.
Anyways, blog over. I'm satisfied that I have rambled enough.
Saturday, 1 January 2011
Resolutions Rewind!
Okay I made some resolutions in August last year, WHY? I don't know, for some reason that was a better idea to me. Let's have a look at how I did!
1. Give up fizzy drinks and chocolate. - As I read this, I had a lindt in my mouth and diet coke to my right. Fail, utmost fail.
2.Floss more. I like how the more is general, not like "once a day" or "twice a week". Okay, this isn't a total fail. Now I actually floss sometimes, which I never did before this.
3.Write a diary entry every night. Not a failure. I don't do one every night but there hasn't been a major thing which hasn't been diaried in detail, so I haven't missed a thing I think. :D
4.Take more walks/bikes. Fail, I don't even need to explain this.
5. Set a non-ridiculous, achievable, reasonable workout regime. This is a fail, BUT I will be taking it into this year as a new resolution. Soon as mum's back at work the house is going on a diet (the people in it, not the house itself) and we will be doing something active (swimming, belly dancing, workout dvds, dance games, jogging or power walking) two or three days a week.
So that wasn't so bad. Here are the resolutions I made actually this time last year. -->
1. Be more generous. - I don't know if I've achieved this. I'd like to think so. I feel like I've done a bit more giving than the year before. You tell me?
2. Take multivitamins - Absolute success. I always take my multiV's every night and I feel much more settled for it. ONE SUCCESS! woo
3. Don't take people for a ride. - Ah, this was referencing to my wily ways with men, cheating and philandering and whatnot. This has been not a complete success but towards the end of the year, getting much much better.
4. Try harder with my work. - Okay, that's vague. I think I have, I'm on track for the Uni I want, for the grades I need to be exactly where I want to be. That's pretty committed to it I'd say.
5. Take on more challenges. - I'll step down and say I haven't done that this year. I tried belly dancing, dropped it because we got too busy and that was it. Oops.
So, for the new year what have I learned? Well, I know that I'm good at setting vague goals. I think that for the new year I will try to be a faithful, committed, healthy, active, creative and caring person.
My biggest achievement of the year: Bagging my man.
What's changed me most: My new found love of inspirational quotes. :)
My biggest failure of the year: Being lazy.
What will change next year the most?: Hopefully, my mentality.
Enjoy the new year. :D
1. Give up fizzy drinks and chocolate. - As I read this, I had a lindt in my mouth and diet coke to my right. Fail, utmost fail.
2.Floss more. I like how the more is general, not like "once a day" or "twice a week". Okay, this isn't a total fail. Now I actually floss sometimes, which I never did before this.
3.Write a diary entry every night. Not a failure. I don't do one every night but there hasn't been a major thing which hasn't been diaried in detail, so I haven't missed a thing I think. :D
4.Take more walks/bikes. Fail, I don't even need to explain this.
5. Set a non-ridiculous, achievable, reasonable workout regime. This is a fail, BUT I will be taking it into this year as a new resolution. Soon as mum's back at work the house is going on a diet (the people in it, not the house itself) and we will be doing something active (swimming, belly dancing, workout dvds, dance games, jogging or power walking) two or three days a week.
So that wasn't so bad. Here are the resolutions I made actually this time last year. -->
1. Be more generous. - I don't know if I've achieved this. I'd like to think so. I feel like I've done a bit more giving than the year before. You tell me?
2. Take multivitamins - Absolute success. I always take my multiV's every night and I feel much more settled for it. ONE SUCCESS! woo
3. Don't take people for a ride. - Ah, this was referencing to my wily ways with men, cheating and philandering and whatnot. This has been not a complete success but towards the end of the year, getting much much better.
4. Try harder with my work. - Okay, that's vague. I think I have, I'm on track for the Uni I want, for the grades I need to be exactly where I want to be. That's pretty committed to it I'd say.
5. Take on more challenges. - I'll step down and say I haven't done that this year. I tried belly dancing, dropped it because we got too busy and that was it. Oops.
So, for the new year what have I learned? Well, I know that I'm good at setting vague goals. I think that for the new year I will try to be a faithful, committed, healthy, active, creative and caring person.
My biggest achievement of the year: Bagging my man.
What's changed me most: My new found love of inspirational quotes. :)
My biggest failure of the year: Being lazy.
What will change next year the most?: Hopefully, my mentality.
Enjoy the new year. :D
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)