Dear Blog,

I'm fresh out of optimism in word form.
But I'm slowly getting back to my blissful happiness.

Only stares worth a million curses to dread.
But I've got a lover worth a million wishes to keep.

Scratches

Something is living in my wall.

I can hear scratches right in front of me when I sit at my desk, and all that is there is a wall.

It's the outside wall and I know there is a hole on the other side.

Is is a bird? Is it a bat?

I wish it wasn't there...

Most Embarassing Moments

Some of my most embarassing moments include:

• In year 6 when my friend stood on a fancy dress skirt I was wearing whilst dancing. It came right off round my ankles, the whole year was in that room. Mortifying.
• When buying a pair of shoes the assistant said I could find those particular ones in the childrens section.
• When an ex boyfriend raided my bag on the bus and decided to grab my 'ladies toiletries' bag and show the whole bus the contents of it. I was dating him at the time. Nice.
• When that ex-boyfriend decided to list our intimate moments and secret weird habits I have on the bus to deliberately embaress me. 
• When I fall over on the stairs, many a-times. 
• I tried to lean my elbow to prop up my chin on my desk, missed and whacked my chin on the desk and had a massive purple bruise take over my chin for over a week. 

I've had many moments of complete embarassment but some are literally too mortifying to actually list.

I challenge you, fellow blog writers, to come up with your own most embarassing moments list and be brave enough to blog it!

Coming Clean

I had a very big secret from my boyfriend that only my nearest and dearest knew about and it was tearing me apart. For almost three months I have been totally locked off from the world, throwing myself into my relationship to repent for something he didn't know.

It was a big, horrible, monstrous, I'm-going-to-ruin-your-life kind of mistake, the ones you wish you could turn back time to stop, I'd give a limb to go back. I asked him what he would do if I ever had done something like that. He said he's deleted all of my details and make me dissapear from his life.

It was a hollow threat to say the least. We are both hopelessly in love. One teary, very teary, phonecall made me come clean, wipe the slate totally spotless and we started again.

In love stronger than ever, at the weakest and more destroyed part of our relationship yet.

"Learn to appreciate failure - and respect it. Acknowledge the courage it's taken to get that far. Seeing other strive, fail and strive again spurs us all on. For we are witnessing the glorious, indomitable human spirit in action." - N.G

"Never forget the power in forgiveness. It can be incredibly releasing - it can flush you clean, uplift you, move you on." -N.G

Creep And Boxing Day

Well last night was HILARIOUS to say the least. Me, Thin One, P.Diddy and Creep were all talking online, me and my secret keepers. And I said I wanted to be Megan Fox but typoed and said Mega Fox, hence this great evolution of everyone into MEGAFOX and abusing people online!

Creep is definately not creepy anymore. He still insists he likes me and will someday win me over although I remind him often that the chances of that happening are practically nonexsistent. He annoys me often by misinterpreting my actions, if I do anything nice to him or say anything vaguely complimentary he takes it as me harbouring a secret desire for him. The only secret desire I have is for a male model named David Oliver.... Oh David...

Anyways!

New years plans have gone a bit haywire since the boyf may be having a family New Years and some of the Krewe have backed out saying that they can't get out of their family New Years plans.


Damnit!

Merry Xmas

Bonjour!

I say bonjour because I look so totally french today, beret and all.
Anyways, it's Xmas. I say Xmas because I'm not religious so it's not CHRISTmas to me. I am listening to my ye olde CDs through my slammin new beats system, a beast of a speaker hooked up to me new portable dvd player, banging dude.

WALK THIS WAY!
TALK THIS WAY!

Well I got alot of stuffs for Xmas, all of it I adore. This hat has barely left my head. Thankyou Boyf's parents and sis!

Most random present award goes to: MUM with the mini sewing machine! (Last year it was a full pink toolkit. Maddo)
Most useful present award goes to: DAD and maybe his girlf. For the book of how to do just about everything! I will never need to google a skill again. :D
Cutest present award goes to: MUMS BOYF for the heatable pink bunny whom I've called Flump. ^^
The 'Totally Me' present goes to: MUM again for the black and peacock feather fan. *Dribble*
The 'OMG' present goes to: SISTER for the four Twilight Saga notebooks.

And the rest I just adore so much!

It's been so relaxed this Xmas, we downsized on pressies so less money worries, dinner was more relaxed, mum was actually chilled out for once and it's just been super sweet! At midnight I got like 4 texts from people saying Merry Xmas and I was like "Awww GUYYYSS".

Where the hell am I going to put that mini sewing machine?...

I keep having pretty weird dreams where I deface Flame's property, leaving huge signs proclaiming what an ass he is and like spraypainting sheep to spell *DICK* and stuff. I'm so mad at him, and mad at myself 'cause part of me is the opposite of mad at him.

On the other hand, it sounds cheesy and horrible but I have to get it out of my system. I had the most amazing experience with the boyf. I just felt so close to him, emotionally and yes, spiritually. I feel like I've had an epiphany or an awakening. I miss him now and I only saw him like two days ago and he's texting me as I write. I feel like I've tore him open and it's up to me to mend him and sew him back up again.
I asked him what he saw when I looked in the mirror, what he thought of himself. He said he onl looked in the mirror to do his hair and doesn't look at himself if he can help it. He thinks he's horribly unnatractive and every compliment I give him he shrugs off with one for me.
Have I done this by messing around? I think I've broken a man...

:'(

Edit: THIS is the Best Video Ever

Oh my god, first time I saw this I was literally in tears with laughter!