Emotions

I'm worn down. I'm all out of energy to feel anything anymore. I've had a stressful time recently and I am out of aces completely. I coped, I managed and dealt with it all accordingly. Now all I want to do is break down and hold a burning stick to my arm. (I won't so don't ring me late at night like "WHATDAFUCKB!" because I will bite your head off.)

So today I watched three movies, two of which were total weepies. I cried at both, went through photo albums, cried some more, put a photo of my grandad on the wall, cried some more. And now guess what I want to do.
Cry?
Wrong. I want to talk. I would like to just talk but knowing me the crying would go hand in hand with that as I do all the time. But I don't know who to talk to. My old best friend has a new best friend and I feel like someones dropped frosted glass between us so we don't see each other right any more. My new best friend is busy and even if she wasn't, I'm not sure I could explain what's going on in my head to her.
My beautiful beau is with her and he's just so infatuated and sensitive if I told him half my worries he'd collapse, thinking it's his fault when it's not.

Recently I've had to deal with a huge argument with C step mum and swallowing my pride to cope.
My dad went on holiday without me.
My mum went on holiday without me.
My boyfriend went on holiday without me.
My sister lived at my dads without me.
I got told off for disobeying my mums wishes whilst she was gone.
Now my mum is engaged and I don't know how to react.
Arguments has reared it's ugly head in my relationship and doubt clouds the honeymoon feelings.
And the icing on the cake? My grandad has cancer. Apparently for the second time. I wasn't told, I only found out when my Grandad himself mentioned chemo.

I'm so upset and nothing will help.