Dear Candy - 4/5/10

"You're kidding me. Actually not happening.

I just got him out of my head.

I search for a song on Spotify and the artist.

Charlie Slick.

comes up. This is not a joke. 

I am going insane

THE ALBUM IS CALLED 


IN MY ROOM

What. The. Fuck."

Just an odd moment oh pure coincidence and insanity that was best summed up in my diary. Thought I'd share it with you. Aka, too lazy to think of something to write today. 

My Day - Episode Twenty Six

Well this morning I woke up completely nervous. I knew that pain-tballing, (no that was not accidental, emphasis on the PAIN) later so then I was absolutely kacking myself. Literally I was in and out of the bathroom with nerves.

So I got up, weighed myself and I was under eight stone weirdly. I think I managed to worry away four pounds during the night. Don't worry guys, I put it back on in chilli, rice and chocolate. I got breakfast, egg and gammon, and then washed the dishes, generally did things that would put off having to think about people shooting me.

Then C gave me a lift and picked up Goldilocks then we went to P.Diddys. FUNNIEST PART OF THE DAY!
As I was getting out the car my jumped got trapped in the door and C started driving off with my attached and I had to do that thing where you chase it and shout, whilst running to keep up with the accelerating car. Apparently when I finally got her to stop she had to stop driving after she left again because she was laughing too hard to drive. It was BRILLIANT!

Then we went paintballing and it was not that bad, I really enjoyed it.

Blah blah blah.

End of story. Goodnight

Incapacitated

I am so tired and in so much pain yet I would not have changed a thing about this weekend. Never have I had so much fun at a party. Never have a really been to a party that was even remotely similar to Cheshire's. Picking up cereal boxes without hands or falling over, sticking your face in a bowl of flour to get 2p, playing an epic fail game of truth or dare.

GOOEY SMUG COUPLE ALERT!
Also I had my first real 'date' with Him. He got me a rose and we went to see a cute chick flick. Highlight of my day was walking around in the sunshine hand in hand, smug all round.

So yeah, I had an awesome weekend. May describe it in more detail but I'm so physically exausted I actually can't. I even fell asleep at His. That's how tired I am. Oh and I look like a total numskull with this fuck off huge plaster smacked on the side of my face. All so that hopefully it won't scar over. Goddamn burn.

My Day - Episode Nineteen

I was going to do a general rant but to be honest most of the stuff that I'm going to rant about happened today, so it's a half My Day blog.

Okay so this morning we had a talk to round out about yesterday and the pressure they are putting on us to get things sorted about a year earlier is intense, I don't do well under pressure. Like I break down and cry. (Crying features a lot today by the way.)

Then in English I was close to tears because I was really lagging behind and I feel that in the exam I just won't be able to apply the time limits, I write too much. So when Miss was like "It's alright Becca, you'll get better." I was LITERALLY biting the inside of my cheek so hard so I wouldn't start tearing up.

In IEC today I realised how much I really hate year nines, and also how much I like teaching people who are willing to learn. One guy just never puts pen to paper although he is perfectly capable of doing it and it infuriates me as he is right, I don't have any authority to make him do anything. But then another girl who used to never work now calls me over and I help her, and she finishes the work early and all to a higher level with just me giving the odd prompt.

Then in the second IEC I was teaching, once again year nines, I just felt so useless. All of these kids were milling round me and I felt like a rock in a river, completely out of place and resisting the flow. So I went up to the teacher I was working with, faked a headache and teared up a little and he let me leave. So I ran away in hopes I could find solace in the arms of Him but of course this was one day that he was in there for the whole time and I ended up sitting, alone, upset and completely not doing anything of use. I know it wasn't his fault but I stll get upset at the fact he wasn't there when I needed him. :(

Oh not to mention that I really have lost all leadership within the Krewe. Somebody has completely taken my place, organising events left right and center. Even when I walk away, they don't follow me ONE CORRIDOR to put my lunchthing away. And I'm betting it was because They didn't move. I even had to squeeze through Him and Snake(Totally changing his name sometime.)

Then on the way home I almost got ran over by an old lady on a bike and I got sand in my eye and walked straight into a lamppost. I bumped my head on the counter in the garage and REALLY hurt myself. Then my sister kept making me feel really nervous about me Uni choices although she is only trying to keep me cautious.

So today was a shit day.

P.s The only positive thing today was my sister falling down the decking stairs which was HILARIOUS. I did my real laugh for AGES and realised how long it has been since I have actually laughed that real-ly....which then depressed me.

Friend in Need

I don't know what to say. I knew he was upset a lot of the time but I thought that I had helped him make it through the rain. I thought I had been more of an effect on his life to make him see how amazing he is just the way he is. I wish that he could see how foolish he is being, I have walked that path and hold the unnatractive scars to show it and that is all I have to show for it, no more happiness and no less emotional pain.
I'm sorry for not acting and being no help in a crisis. :(

Oh Buggar!

Buggar it all!

I have a really sore back, and really sore legs and I don't know why! It's really frustrating. I haven't done any strenuous excercise or been twirling around to an American Smooth. I think I've probably slept wierd, it's the worst feeling in the world.

I had the most amazing near fantasy. Basically I want to go to university in London, as does my Boyf and his uncle has a flat there. Two and two together and that would be my ideallistic future. Then BABIES!
Haha.. Not really, babies are far from my mind at the moment.

I'm feeling very good deed-ish, feeling awfully nice. Loving it.