Family
First cause it's gonna being the biggest probably. Best news! Mum and N are engaged! YYYAAYY He will officially become part of the family after like 9 years. Worst news... I had a huge argument with C that lasted about two days and it's shattered my trust and friendship in her. I can't really forgive her for the stuff she's said and I see nothing to apologise for, so it's a brush it under the rug situation. I can grin and bear it. Mum had a go at me today because I disobeyed her rules and had guys sleep over when she was on holiday so now I'm now allowed to stay in the house alone when they next go on holiday as a punishment. Tbh, that's not very bad, I can live with that.
Friends
All is awesome and well, seeing everyone regularly, sharing problems with everyone and feeling pretty darn secure.
Love
Super happy and super worrying. Arguments and petty squabbles seem to happen more often than I would like and I've come to realise that I'm not myself with them, I act more childish and stupid to make them want to love me and protect me more. Don't know what will happen here, tis early.
Soul
It's taken too much trauma recently and I feel weaker and like I need some sort of anchor in these times. I've had huge arguments and real upset as well as some really good news and happiness. The rollercoaster is making me sick.
Showing posts with label soul. Show all posts
Showing posts with label soul. Show all posts
Tuesday, 27 July 2010
Saturday, 5 December 2009
Unfaithful
I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well
Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well
Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
Tuesday, 1 December 2009
Knowing Yourself
Everyone makes a huge deal about 'finding yourself' and I think that's a little inaccurate. Everyone is in touch with themselves, you are yourself after all however I think you need a bit more interaction with your mind and soul that the everyday life.
And so, I was inspired by another blogger who seems a bit lost to write about ways I bring about peace with myself and general happiness and wellbeing. These tips are literally just tips and might seem crazy or just not work but bare with me.
1. Focus on a small and fiddly task.
This can be something like a jigsaw or fixing that necklace that snapped all those days ago. Sewing or something may be more suited to you. Usually something productive is better as you get that sense of achievement at the end. Personally, I paint my nails. French manicures are so fiddly they allow my brain to block all those looming problems that seem to swamp you and pull your mind together to focus on something you WANT to do.
2. Lie down.
Not on a bed. Bed's are for sleeping and you'll only get that sense of frustration that comes with trying to fall asleep when you aren't sleepy or not being allowed to fall asleep. Lie on the floor and just relax. Flop down, no need to be neat with how you lie. Lieing down uses no muscles so only your brain has to be active. This will take away all distractions and let you focus on those niggling problems and give you some time to try and think of solutions.
3. Light a candle.
Fire is incredibly calming for me. I've had some bad experience to do with burning and self-harming and fire has always been a mystery to me. Looks almost fluid, beautiful. Scented candles also make your room smell nice and can have a real 'sigh' effect on you. Where you just breathe in and sigh, that's a good effect.
4. List things.
To-do lists are a little bit doom and gloom, especially if you have to turn the page or go into double numbers. Try writing different things like what you have done or things you would like to encorporate into your days to help with wellbeing. My newest one is situps every night and writing in my diary before falling asleep. And if you are feeling brave write down things you have to do, but also when you are going to do them, setting achievable goals and prioritising life.
5. Listen to some new music.
When I say listen to music I mean JUST listen. Don't sing along, no msning or facebooking while listening. Combined with lieing on the floor this can be so reviving. Especially if you find a song which had a really nice build up to energy. Personally Nerina Pallot (Yes she is on spotify) has transformed my depressed moments. Sophia a fire, I'm burning I'm burning...Lalala...<3
6. Preen.
Personal grooming can sometimes be pushed to the back of your mind when the world takes over. Take care of yourself and it will go further than the flesh. My room is a haven for moisturisers, face masks, hair masks, tweezers, eyelash curlers, foot scrubs and all sorts! A this isn't just for girls. Guys, a good long shower with a good lynx shower gel and a careful shave should make yourself feel better I'm sure. :)
7. Cut yourself off from the world.
In serious cases where I feel like I've completely lost where I'm going I will have one day where I don't feel attached to anything. People pass me by and I'm in my head, playing music to myself and doing very little with the day. Don't watch tv, especially the news, don't listen to the radio. Only listen to music you know won't remind you of things. Read a book, they are great for loosing yourself. Dim the lighting and take heed of all the things above.
8. Take Vitamins.
This seems like a really useless thing to say. Vitamins may not bring about a noticeable change in your mood but that subtle way that you know you are bettering yourself will make you feel more healthy and vibrant. It's basically a placebo effect but there is no need to dismiss it because of that.
So there, my little ways to get back in touch with the inner you. I read in a magazine once that playing with your toes makes you feel good, but frankly I'll just take their word for that.
Ciao.
And so, I was inspired by another blogger who seems a bit lost to write about ways I bring about peace with myself and general happiness and wellbeing. These tips are literally just tips and might seem crazy or just not work but bare with me.
1. Focus on a small and fiddly task.
This can be something like a jigsaw or fixing that necklace that snapped all those days ago. Sewing or something may be more suited to you. Usually something productive is better as you get that sense of achievement at the end. Personally, I paint my nails. French manicures are so fiddly they allow my brain to block all those looming problems that seem to swamp you and pull your mind together to focus on something you WANT to do.
2. Lie down.
Not on a bed. Bed's are for sleeping and you'll only get that sense of frustration that comes with trying to fall asleep when you aren't sleepy or not being allowed to fall asleep. Lie on the floor and just relax. Flop down, no need to be neat with how you lie. Lieing down uses no muscles so only your brain has to be active. This will take away all distractions and let you focus on those niggling problems and give you some time to try and think of solutions.
3. Light a candle.
Fire is incredibly calming for me. I've had some bad experience to do with burning and self-harming and fire has always been a mystery to me. Looks almost fluid, beautiful. Scented candles also make your room smell nice and can have a real 'sigh' effect on you. Where you just breathe in and sigh, that's a good effect.
4. List things.
To-do lists are a little bit doom and gloom, especially if you have to turn the page or go into double numbers. Try writing different things like what you have done or things you would like to encorporate into your days to help with wellbeing. My newest one is situps every night and writing in my diary before falling asleep. And if you are feeling brave write down things you have to do, but also when you are going to do them, setting achievable goals and prioritising life.
5. Listen to some new music.
When I say listen to music I mean JUST listen. Don't sing along, no msning or facebooking while listening. Combined with lieing on the floor this can be so reviving. Especially if you find a song which had a really nice build up to energy. Personally Nerina Pallot (Yes she is on spotify) has transformed my depressed moments. Sophia a fire, I'm burning I'm burning...Lalala...<3
6. Preen.
Personal grooming can sometimes be pushed to the back of your mind when the world takes over. Take care of yourself and it will go further than the flesh. My room is a haven for moisturisers, face masks, hair masks, tweezers, eyelash curlers, foot scrubs and all sorts! A this isn't just for girls. Guys, a good long shower with a good lynx shower gel and a careful shave should make yourself feel better I'm sure. :)
7. Cut yourself off from the world.
In serious cases where I feel like I've completely lost where I'm going I will have one day where I don't feel attached to anything. People pass me by and I'm in my head, playing music to myself and doing very little with the day. Don't watch tv, especially the news, don't listen to the radio. Only listen to music you know won't remind you of things. Read a book, they are great for loosing yourself. Dim the lighting and take heed of all the things above.
8. Take Vitamins.
This seems like a really useless thing to say. Vitamins may not bring about a noticeable change in your mood but that subtle way that you know you are bettering yourself will make you feel more healthy and vibrant. It's basically a placebo effect but there is no need to dismiss it because of that.
So there, my little ways to get back in touch with the inner you. I read in a magazine once that playing with your toes makes you feel good, but frankly I'll just take their word for that.
Ciao.
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