Scars

The ex-boyf did a post admitting to something that is pretty big and I guess sort of a secret, so I wanted to beat it!

The picture on the right is of my left hand. As you might notice there is a very fetching cross in red almost in the middle. I know, it's slightly off centre, bugs the hell out of me.

I got it when I was fourteen, maybe fifteen, my memory is shite to say the least. Funny story really.

I was dating a guy, it was about 8 months into our relationship, although admittedly we did take a break at the three month mark. We were having problems, I was obsessed with trying to make him happy but making him happy would make me miserable and then he wouldn't even give me credit and would accuse me of not loving him. It was a vicious circle resulting in my unhappiness, many arguments and eventually self harm.

 We were arguing once again over msn this time, we always spoke with the webcams on. I had candles on to try and calm me. I had a wooden chopstick and was messing about with the wax as I was talking to him. We were arguing about something stupid again and he was convinced I didn't care about him. I got into a bit of a wacky state and set the wooden chopstick on fire and started being completely psycho saying "I'm doing this to prove I care about you!" and I blew out the flame but left it red hot and press it against the back of my hand, bang in the middle. He went silent and I just carried on until I have five red holes in my hand and he was in tears as he thought it was his fault. Sort of was. Maybe it was just my crazy depression, my diary entries are not exactly cheery from that time.

My mum found out about it when we were doing an exercise dvd and she wasn't best pleased but there wasn't much she could do.

Me and that boyfriend broke up about a month later and my hand is merely a cluster of kind of cool looking scars. Don't worry, I'm not crazy depressive anymore.