My Day - Episode Nineteen

I was going to do a general rant but to be honest most of the stuff that I'm going to rant about happened today, so it's a half My Day blog.

Okay so this morning we had a talk to round out about yesterday and the pressure they are putting on us to get things sorted about a year earlier is intense, I don't do well under pressure. Like I break down and cry. (Crying features a lot today by the way.)

Then in English I was close to tears because I was really lagging behind and I feel that in the exam I just won't be able to apply the time limits, I write too much. So when Miss was like "It's alright Becca, you'll get better." I was LITERALLY biting the inside of my cheek so hard so I wouldn't start tearing up.

In IEC today I realised how much I really hate year nines, and also how much I like teaching people who are willing to learn. One guy just never puts pen to paper although he is perfectly capable of doing it and it infuriates me as he is right, I don't have any authority to make him do anything. But then another girl who used to never work now calls me over and I help her, and she finishes the work early and all to a higher level with just me giving the odd prompt.

Then in the second IEC I was teaching, once again year nines, I just felt so useless. All of these kids were milling round me and I felt like a rock in a river, completely out of place and resisting the flow. So I went up to the teacher I was working with, faked a headache and teared up a little and he let me leave. So I ran away in hopes I could find solace in the arms of Him but of course this was one day that he was in there for the whole time and I ended up sitting, alone, upset and completely not doing anything of use. I know it wasn't his fault but I stll get upset at the fact he wasn't there when I needed him. :(

Oh not to mention that I really have lost all leadership within the Krewe. Somebody has completely taken my place, organising events left right and center. Even when I walk away, they don't follow me ONE CORRIDOR to put my lunchthing away. And I'm betting it was because They didn't move. I even had to squeeze through Him and Snake(Totally changing his name sometime.)

Then on the way home I almost got ran over by an old lady on a bike and I got sand in my eye and walked straight into a lamppost. I bumped my head on the counter in the garage and REALLY hurt myself. Then my sister kept making me feel really nervous about me Uni choices although she is only trying to keep me cautious.

So today was a shit day.

P.s The only positive thing today was my sister falling down the decking stairs which was HILARIOUS. I did my real laugh for AGES and realised how long it has been since I have actually laughed that real-ly....which then depressed me.

My Day - Episode Eighteen

Today the evil genius Belle went to the Uni thing! (I'll explain why I am evil genius later, mwahaha)

This morning was a very very rushed morning. I was oddly very late, and had to run about half a mile to catch the bus. Twig Legs at the bus stop had to run too and I feared that her matchstick legs might break! But she was okay, bless her. I finally got on the bus and when i run I get incredibly hot, really really hot. So everyone else has dawdled and was very cold and I am sat there sweating my ass off with my pile of coats and things on the seat next to me. It was kind of embarassing but I couldn't think about that at the time as I was too busy concentrating on how to get cool.

Then the morning was normal. Had Psychology with Darling One and we watched this very interesting documentary about the Mylai massacre that happened in the sixties, shocking. Although it was kind of ruined by the fact miss clicked on the wrong link midway and it switched to "I said the bird bird bird, the bird is the word!". Then I had English which was only interesting in the fact that I was completely rejected by someone, but other than that was completely uneventful.

Then we went to this University gathering thing at the Uni of Northampton. So I got on the bus, sat next to Wallflower and Darling One sat behind. I hated the bus ride because I was in close proximity to Dickface who has a very loud, annoying, carrying voice and nothing to say that would ever interest me. Ever. Whatacock. So then got off the bus and wandered around a billion different Uni stalls, I'm aiming to do Psychology at a sort of AAB entry level uni if you're interested. Oh and my sister has decided on Loughbrough. (Pronounced Luffbruh weirdly.)

So then I had a really nice day relaxing with Darling One and Wallflower and felt much happier at being involved in their lives a bit more. And I've decided that me and Wallflower might go in to do some late night shopping on a Thursday and have a brownie as Costa Coffee.Then I switched friendship group to the Krewe. I've been getting only better with Curltop the last few days, I don't know, I feel as awkward around him as much. Had a nice snuggle with Him. Then it was a quick hop on to the bus home where I had a very nice flirty conversation with Handsome One and walked home with Owl Boy. Lovely.

OH and I am an evil genius because I found a 4GB pen drive today and unfortunately, I know exactly who's it is and give it back right away. Only I don't really like them. They embarassed me really badly back in year 8 and made me cry. So fuck them. I made a new email account and sent them an email saying "Anything you want off this pendrive?" and I'll send them it. They aren't getting it back though. I'm not that nice after all. >:)

My Day - Episode Seventeen

Today was what one might call a normal day, but it was full of little things I want to talk about, which is my usual reasoning for a My Day.

This morning I woke up, set in my mind what I wanted to wear. Put it on, looked awful. Changed, put something else on, looked even worse. Tried first outfit with different tights. Nope. Tried old tights and new shoes. Nope. Old shoes. Nope. GODAMNIT. So eventually I just threw on what I first had on with different tights and said "Fuck it if I look weird."

Turns out everybody loved my outfit today. I had about five English teachers chatting about how nice I looked and admiring my 'strut' in heels. New heels, wonderful. Then three of the kids I teach were adoring my shoes. And more friends are in love with them too. God bless shoes for making my day better.

So then in my free I was being really cuddly and lovely with Him and I felt really bad 'cause Stag was there and later on I found out that he had blogged saying he felt bad for being around us when we act like that. So I felt awful about that. I asked Him to have a word but no doubt he will forget so this is me saying "Oh my god, I'm so sorry for stealing your friend! You guys can spend time together and I won't be there and you don't interrupt anything at all! <3".

Teaching went reasonably well considering I was in so much pain from gorgeous shoes. I managed to suffer through it and survive my first day with them though, woo! Sorry, that's the last shoe mention I swear. So anyways I got given this bingo thing to round off the lesson with in my bio class. So I did that and felt really pathetic because no-one listens to me and I don't have the confidence to control them as a class. Not to mention Mr Gobbyarse who constantly chats, how do you handle that? Then in the English class I teach I got given Blondie and Ginger to take care of. Both of whom hate me. Both of whom still did no work.

Still it makes my day when I come out of that lesson and I see Him waiting for me with P.Diddy, Cheshire and Curltop.  It brings a smile to my face just to see them. I think that's really what's getting me through this insane patch where I randomly feel god awful without reasoning. So thanks people. :D

What I hate

There are a few things that I hate right now. One of them is just this big past event that is following me around like a huge suffocating black cloud. It was a mega mistake and I'm currently spending every waking moment wishing I had taken a different route. It's really getting to me, I can't even see this one person without biting my lip so hard just to avoid crying like a douche.

I hate these moods, where I feel so helpless to emotions that don't even make sense. One minute I'll be rolling around in happiness like a pig in poo. The next moment I feel like I'm in poo and just suddenly feel isolated and depressed.

I hate that the Krewe has grown. I've always like intimate groups of friends but now we have a few tagalongs that I wish we could like just shake off and have some proper Krewe time like the good old days. Let's face it, I'm pretty antisocial. I've always hated crowds, groups, parties and gatherings of more than a few people and up until a major fallout with Darling One a year ago, I only ever had like 3 good friends. Everybody else didn't like me. It was a black and white thing, either or love or hate, there was no inbetween. Now I have loads of people in my white, who I adore, billions (Exagguration) in my grey and a good handful in the deepest pits of black.

I hate my skin. I hate being a teenager with raging hormones that decide to make my forehead once again slip into a minefield of gross open pores and spots. I want to hide in a room with only facial treatments for company right now.

I hate my thighs. One, because they hurt like shit. And Two, because they hurt like shit because I hate them and got a little bit too motivated to change that fact. Madness.

But anyways, enough of that shite. Sorry for the depression, just not feeling too great. Hugs, tissues and someone to trust would be of great use right now.