What I hate

There are a few things that I hate right now. One of them is just this big past event that is following me around like a huge suffocating black cloud. It was a mega mistake and I'm currently spending every waking moment wishing I had taken a different route. It's really getting to me, I can't even see this one person without biting my lip so hard just to avoid crying like a douche.

I hate these moods, where I feel so helpless to emotions that don't even make sense. One minute I'll be rolling around in happiness like a pig in poo. The next moment I feel like I'm in poo and just suddenly feel isolated and depressed.

I hate that the Krewe has grown. I've always like intimate groups of friends but now we have a few tagalongs that I wish we could like just shake off and have some proper Krewe time like the good old days. Let's face it, I'm pretty antisocial. I've always hated crowds, groups, parties and gatherings of more than a few people and up until a major fallout with Darling One a year ago, I only ever had like 3 good friends. Everybody else didn't like me. It was a black and white thing, either or love or hate, there was no inbetween. Now I have loads of people in my white, who I adore, billions (Exagguration) in my grey and a good handful in the deepest pits of black.

I hate my skin. I hate being a teenager with raging hormones that decide to make my forehead once again slip into a minefield of gross open pores and spots. I want to hide in a room with only facial treatments for company right now.

I hate my thighs. One, because they hurt like shit. And Two, because they hurt like shit because I hate them and got a little bit too motivated to change that fact. Madness.

But anyways, enough of that shite. Sorry for the depression, just not feeling too great. Hugs, tissues and someone to trust would be of great use right now.

"Haze"

On my little igoogle page I have a little weather widget which tells me the forecast and like temperature.
Next to 'Current:' It said 'Haze'. Like Hazy or Hail but Haze.

When someone asks "What's the weather like over there?" Not ever have I heard someone say "Haze."

Although that's sort of how I feel at the moment. Revision for two subjects muddles my mind until I finally managed to separate it into two catagories. Now I've done one exam and the other is tommorow (Wish me luck) and my mind is all full of haze and mess!

Not to mention I had an arguement with my mum, tears on my side only this time but shouting on both. Really it was just a case of me being tense and stress and mum interpreting what I'd said to something really trivial and completely different to what I meant. Then of course I couldn't get a word in edgeways, so I raised my voice and she did to. It escalated and got blown way out of proportion.
After I'd confined myself to my room for a considerable amount of time to calm down, we talked it over like we usually do and it turned out that actually I just didn't want to eat the soup.

So there ya go.

Oh Dear...

I really should be revising. But I'm taking time out of revising to tell you that I suck at revising!

At least I'm trying to learn! I'm never going to make it all the way through this book in time for the mock exam tommorow. I will just fail impressively and count the number of characters in each question to waste time.

I SUCK

Dear Blog,

I'm fresh out of optimism in word form.
But I'm slowly getting back to my blissful happiness.

Only stares worth a million curses to dread.
But I've got a lover worth a million wishes to keep.

The damned computer

I am going to kill my computer, mums partner and the internet one of these days. It may be difficult to take a knife to the internets throat but I will do it. Trust me.

Basically trying to revive my internet tonight and got mum's partner to help as we managed to fix it last time it went skitz like this. He started pressing buttons here there and everywhere, not only did he almost stumble across some rather indecent pictures, but he also broke the computer totally. On starting up it came up with a message saying that a file was cirrupt so it couldn't start up. So I've just had to do another system recovery and have now lost ALL of my photos, word documents and everything. I don't have a scrap left.

Ironically one of the only things that survived were the indecent pictures.

Now I'm using my sisters computer and my mum is completely mad at me because we're gonna have to call out 'the guy'to fix it which will cost around forty quid. To say the least, my night is not going well.

Autumn

Things I love about autumn are the beautiful colours and the crunch of leaves underneath my feet when I walk. Kicking up piles of leaves and watching them flutter to the ground. The fact it isn't cold, but it's not exactly warm. The fresh mornings, dewy grass. Rosy cheeks. Children wrapped up in so many layers they waddle. Scarves and gloves, hats with pompoms. Bonfire night. Fireworks. My Birthday. Sparklers. Fireplaces finally having a use. Radiators warming up while you lean against them. Warm winter puddings like hot chocolate fudge cake, but still having ice creams. The buzz of coming holidays, Christmas and Halloween. Constantly having a fluffy blanket with me, especially when curling up to watch a movie. Plus I love slippers being acceptable again.

Things I hate about autumn. The coming of winter. Having perpetually cold fingers. Runny noses. Cold rain. Wet leaves stuck to windows. When it's so windy it's like a twister. Having to wear a huge coat after planning my outfit so carefully. Early dark. Late light. Having less time. Getting frizzy dry hair. But mostly I hate the cold.

Overall. I love Autumn. I think that I will always link it to my childhood where we'd rake leaves into piles, pretend we were birds and they were our nests or throw them in the air and try to catch as many as possible. Autumn is my season, the best season.