One of the best ways to make you happy and to make you sad.
I have my old diaries, letters, a memory box and two scrapbooks as well as countless photo albums. I keep practically everything meaningful. And that's just the physical stuff. I love discovering old songs that you can flick through and remember when you last heard it and what you were doing.
But that's a bit of a sidetrack. Recently I've been getting happier. More good grades coming back in English Lang. My other blog has had...20 visitors with 47 pageviews today so far which is a new record for me. :) Probably due to the fact I posted on a very touchy subject that was a bit taboo. Friends are awesome, angry at Stag because he blurted a load of personal shit when he had absolutely no right. Family is awesome, mum and N are going to Florida soon so we get two weeks without them. But for one I'm going to my dads so that'll be okay. I need to ring him actually.
Other than that, totally cool!
Showing posts with label secrets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label secrets. Show all posts
Tuesday, 4 May 2010
Tuesday, 23 March 2010
What I hate
There are a few things that I hate right now. One of them is just this big past event that is following me around like a huge suffocating black cloud. It was a mega mistake and I'm currently spending every waking moment wishing I had taken a different route. It's really getting to me, I can't even see this one person without biting my lip so hard just to avoid crying like a douche.
I hate these moods, where I feel so helpless to emotions that don't even make sense. One minute I'll be rolling around in happiness like a pig in poo. The next moment I feel like I'm in poo and just suddenly feel isolated and depressed.
I hate that the Krewe has grown. I've always like intimate groups of friends but now we have a few tagalongs that I wish we could like just shake off and have some proper Krewe time like the good old days. Let's face it, I'm pretty antisocial. I've always hated crowds, groups, parties and gatherings of more than a few people and up until a major fallout with Darling One a year ago, I only ever had like 3 good friends. Everybody else didn't like me. It was a black and white thing, either or love or hate, there was no inbetween. Now I have loads of people in my white, who I adore, billions (Exagguration) in my grey and a good handful in the deepest pits of black.
I hate my skin. I hate being a teenager with raging hormones that decide to make my forehead once again slip into a minefield of gross open pores and spots. I want to hide in a room with only facial treatments for company right now.
I hate my thighs. One, because they hurt like shit. And Two, because they hurt like shit because I hate them and got a little bit too motivated to change that fact. Madness.
But anyways, enough of that shite. Sorry for the depression, just not feeling too great. Hugs, tissues and someone to trust would be of great use right now.
I hate these moods, where I feel so helpless to emotions that don't even make sense. One minute I'll be rolling around in happiness like a pig in poo. The next moment I feel like I'm in poo and just suddenly feel isolated and depressed.
I hate that the Krewe has grown. I've always like intimate groups of friends but now we have a few tagalongs that I wish we could like just shake off and have some proper Krewe time like the good old days. Let's face it, I'm pretty antisocial. I've always hated crowds, groups, parties and gatherings of more than a few people and up until a major fallout with Darling One a year ago, I only ever had like 3 good friends. Everybody else didn't like me. It was a black and white thing, either or love or hate, there was no inbetween. Now I have loads of people in my white, who I adore, billions (Exagguration) in my grey and a good handful in the deepest pits of black.
I hate my skin. I hate being a teenager with raging hormones that decide to make my forehead once again slip into a minefield of gross open pores and spots. I want to hide in a room with only facial treatments for company right now.
I hate my thighs. One, because they hurt like shit. And Two, because they hurt like shit because I hate them and got a little bit too motivated to change that fact. Madness.
But anyways, enough of that shite. Sorry for the depression, just not feeling too great. Hugs, tissues and someone to trust would be of great use right now.
Friday, 19 February 2010
Scars
The picture on the right is of my left hand. As you might notice there is a very fetching cross in red almost in the middle. I know, it's slightly off centre, bugs the hell out of me.
I got it when I was fourteen, maybe fifteen, my memory is shite to say the least. Funny story really.
I was dating a guy, it was about 8 months into our relationship, although admittedly we did take a break at the three month mark. We were having problems, I was obsessed with trying to make him happy but making him happy would make me miserable and then he wouldn't even give me credit and would accuse me of not loving him. It was a vicious circle resulting in my unhappiness, many arguments and eventually self harm.
We were arguing once again over msn this time, we always spoke with the webcams on. I had candles on to try and calm me. I had a wooden chopstick and was messing about with the wax as I was talking to him. We were arguing about something stupid again and he was convinced I didn't care about him. I got into a bit of a wacky state and set the wooden chopstick on fire and started being completely psycho saying "I'm doing this to prove I care about you!" and I blew out the flame but left it red hot and press it against the back of my hand, bang in the middle. He went silent and I just carried on until I have five red holes in my hand and he was in tears as he thought it was his fault. Sort of was. Maybe it was just my crazy depression, my diary entries are not exactly cheery from that time.
My mum found out about it when we were doing an exercise dvd and she wasn't best pleased but there wasn't much she could do.
Me and that boyfriend broke up about a month later and my hand is merely a cluster of kind of cool looking scars. Don't worry, I'm not crazy depressive anymore.
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
40 Secrets Chain
Currently I am too obsessed with other amazing things in my life like Bridget Jones and my wonderful boyfriend, god he's a wonderful wonderful WONDERFUL person. I want to scream. With joy that is. So I'm stealing this chain thing from lolli.
40 Secrets about yourself.
Be honest no matter what...
1 - Have you ever been asked out?
Duh, I'm a sex GODDESS! (Self-esteem has improved noticeably)
2 - Where was your avatar picture taken?
My bedroom at dads, getting creative with my legs and a window.
3 - What is your middle name?
Joy - How ironic! I just said "With joy that is." up there, look!
4 - Your current relationship status?
In love. The big L word, I'm thinking going out to dinner and sexy underwear shopping.
5 - Does your crush like you back?
I should bloody well hope so!
6 - What is your current mood?
Current mood would be classed as overly content with life.
7 - What color underwear are you wearing?
(checking) Oooh a very Swedish Milkmaid number. White with red lace trim. Cute!
8 - What color shirt are you wearing?
Red vest top.
9 - Missing something?
Psychic computer! I'm not wearing a watch.
10 - If you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
I would go back and oh I don't know, not be a cheating bitch?
11 - If you must be an animal for one day, what and why?
A bird of some sort. I want to fly.
12 - Ever had a near death experience?
I guess you could call my telling mum I'm having sex a near death experience.
13 - Something you do a lot?
Laugh. So much.
14 - The song stuck in your head?
Currently on a jukebox jumble.
15 - Who did you copy and paste this from?
Lolli, as mentioned.
16 - Name someone who has the same birthday as you.
My boyfriend!
17 - When was the last time you cried?
Properly cried about a week ago, watery eyes yesterday.
18 - Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
no.... No defo not.
19 - If you could have one super power what would it be?
Reading minds.
20 - What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Usually what they are wearing, then like jawline and build. If they are smiling at me.
21 - What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Air.
22 - What's your biggest secret?
Now then, it wouldn't be a secret would it?
23 - Favorite color?
Currently red/purple.
24 - Do you still watch kiddie shows or tv shows?
Sitcoms, Americas next top model. <3
25 - What's on your wall?
I have my naked man wall (They all have their decency protected!) And the photos wall, fans everywhere of course... random funny cards on my door.
26 - What are you?
A scorpio?...
27 - Do you speak any other language?
Womanese.
28 - What's your favorite smell?
Vanilla, or boyfriend after freshly showered.... Oh yum.
29 - Describe your life in one word.
Moretipsandturnsthanafuckingrollercoasterman!
30 - Have you ever kissed in the rain?
Yes it was gorgeous. <3
31 - What are you thinking about right now?
Bridget Jones... American men in dungarees chopping wood and drinking cans of coke....uhhhh...
33 - What should you be doing?
Probably work. Or writing a story or like talking to my boyfriend instead of this man who insists on working out on camera for me. Do I mind?... HELLO is the sky BLUE?!?!
34 - Who was the last being that made you upset/angry?
Friends turning out to be secret bitches even though they should own testicles.
35 - How often do you talk to God?
Actually getting more often, just you know when I'm feeling desperado.
37 - If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
Oh don't know.
39 - What is your natural hair color?
Dark brown. What you see is what you get.
40 - What are you terrible at?
Geography. I just don't care.
40 Secrets about yourself.
Be honest no matter what...
1 - Have you ever been asked out?
Duh, I'm a sex GODDESS! (Self-esteem has improved noticeably)
2 - Where was your avatar picture taken?
My bedroom at dads, getting creative with my legs and a window.
3 - What is your middle name?
Joy - How ironic! I just said "With joy that is." up there, look!
4 - Your current relationship status?
In love. The big L word, I'm thinking going out to dinner and sexy underwear shopping.
5 - Does your crush like you back?
I should bloody well hope so!
6 - What is your current mood?
Current mood would be classed as overly content with life.
7 - What color underwear are you wearing?
(checking) Oooh a very Swedish Milkmaid number. White with red lace trim. Cute!
8 - What color shirt are you wearing?
Red vest top.
9 - Missing something?
Psychic computer! I'm not wearing a watch.
10 - If you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
I would go back and oh I don't know, not be a cheating bitch?
11 - If you must be an animal for one day, what and why?
A bird of some sort. I want to fly.
12 - Ever had a near death experience?
I guess you could call my telling mum I'm having sex a near death experience.
13 - Something you do a lot?
Laugh. So much.
14 - The song stuck in your head?
Currently on a jukebox jumble.
15 - Who did you copy and paste this from?
Lolli, as mentioned.
16 - Name someone who has the same birthday as you.
My boyfriend!
17 - When was the last time you cried?
Properly cried about a week ago, watery eyes yesterday.
18 - Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
no.... No defo not.
19 - If you could have one super power what would it be?
Reading minds.
20 - What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Usually what they are wearing, then like jawline and build. If they are smiling at me.
21 - What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Air.
22 - What's your biggest secret?
Now then, it wouldn't be a secret would it?
23 - Favorite color?
Currently red/purple.
24 - Do you still watch kiddie shows or tv shows?
Sitcoms, Americas next top model. <3
25 - What's on your wall?
I have my naked man wall (They all have their decency protected!) And the photos wall, fans everywhere of course... random funny cards on my door.
26 - What are you?
A scorpio?...
27 - Do you speak any other language?
Womanese.
28 - What's your favorite smell?
Vanilla, or boyfriend after freshly showered.... Oh yum.
29 - Describe your life in one word.
Moretipsandturnsthanafuckingrollercoasterman!
30 - Have you ever kissed in the rain?
Yes it was gorgeous. <3
31 - What are you thinking about right now?
Bridget Jones... American men in dungarees chopping wood and drinking cans of coke....uhhhh...
33 - What should you be doing?
Probably work. Or writing a story or like talking to my boyfriend instead of this man who insists on working out on camera for me. Do I mind?... HELLO is the sky BLUE?!?!
34 - Who was the last being that made you upset/angry?
Friends turning out to be secret bitches even though they should own testicles.
35 - How often do you talk to God?
Actually getting more often, just you know when I'm feeling desperado.
37 - If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
Oh don't know.
39 - What is your natural hair color?
Dark brown. What you see is what you get.
40 - What are you terrible at?
Geography. I just don't care.
Sunday, 17 January 2010
Big Mouth!
What the heck is wrong with me?
I cannot answer a question dishonestly to friends. I can lie to a perfect stranger pretty convincingly or if needs be to someone I know if it's to protect something. But if a friend asks me a question and complete honesty, I just blurt all.
I basically just admitted a heck of a lot of stuff to most of my friends which I sooooo shouldn't have.
One friend looked totally freaked at my answers like they were totally uncomfortable with being there and disgraced by our behaviour.
Luckily Curltop was missing and that one person probably would have made me hold my tongue, I can't open up as much with them around. I think they judge me.
But yeah, I had a nice time round the Thin One's house where this whole thing happened. Happy Birthday to him by the way. I thought it was going to be a replay of when we went to P. Diddy's house and just watched big bang theory for ages and didn't actually talk but actually after we moved into a cooler area people began to chat and the Tv was ignored. Even the Thin One's porn collection got ignored after a while.
Oh and Creep and the Boyfriend seemed to have become friends a little better. Boyfriend may still hold a mini grudge against him but he's been a darling and playing nice.
I cannot answer a question dishonestly to friends. I can lie to a perfect stranger pretty convincingly or if needs be to someone I know if it's to protect something. But if a friend asks me a question and complete honesty, I just blurt all.
I basically just admitted a heck of a lot of stuff to most of my friends which I sooooo shouldn't have.
One friend looked totally freaked at my answers like they were totally uncomfortable with being there and disgraced by our behaviour.
Luckily Curltop was missing and that one person probably would have made me hold my tongue, I can't open up as much with them around. I think they judge me.
But yeah, I had a nice time round the Thin One's house where this whole thing happened. Happy Birthday to him by the way. I thought it was going to be a replay of when we went to P. Diddy's house and just watched big bang theory for ages and didn't actually talk but actually after we moved into a cooler area people began to chat and the Tv was ignored. Even the Thin One's porn collection got ignored after a while.
Oh and Creep and the Boyfriend seemed to have become friends a little better. Boyfriend may still hold a mini grudge against him but he's been a darling and playing nice.
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